Paradox of Love

Was having a conversation with a friend lately…when she suddenly said….

“The paradox of love”

“What??” I asked her.

“Its true isn’t it? Unconditional love is loving someone with the no hope of getting love back…in unconditional love you don’t expect anything” she said. “If love does come back your way, then you are just the lucky one.”

I thought about it for a sec. “What sorta unconditional love are you talking about? The blood relation?” I asked her.

“No” she said. “A blood relation, like a mother or father towards her/his children will always be unconditional. It’s when you have a choice that I’m talking about” she said.
“In our case, when we love a man, we can choose to love unconditionally, fairly or selfishly.” …she moved on to say… “I wouldn’t love any man who doesn’t love me back, and I’ll always check his love- not with what he says, practically every man has a truck load of words, but at what he does.”

“What do you mean?” I asked her

“You know, the small romantic stuff he does, like flowers, letters, long emails, poems, songs, calls, when he takes time to do such special things…ill know he thinks I’m worth it. Every woman wants to feel like she’s worth it”

She then asked me “what do you think?”

“I don’t know” I said. “Sometimes words are enough…a simple “I miss you” seems enough…..poems, songs, letters…everyone loves them, but sometimes, words are all someone has to take one’s heart away…right?”

She smiled at me. Unconvinced. She said “Listen girl. I give but I don’t get. Does that mean I stop giving? Ya!! Tit for tat. You need to teach men how to be romantic. Well actually some men were born sweet. But most men, they give and give and give while they date, flowers and dinners and letters. But at some point it stops. They get bored, take their woman for granted. Why should it stop I say? Even in my old age I would still write my old man a letter and want a reply back, I’d pick him a flower and sing him a song. And would love for him to do the same. Wouldn’t you?”

“Erm…yeah I hope so.” I said. “But still, “romantic” is relative. Sometimes an sms is romantic enough. At most times a memory is enough na? Maybe a flower or a letter or a song should be for special occasions only, why everyday or without occasion? People are just plain busy. I know some women who love to do stuff for their man, but don’t expect him to do the same, and they are happy. Not all women are demanding of much love, low profile will do for many.”

“So you’re saying that romantic moments should occur on occasion? Fine then. Why not only love on occasion, why love someone everyday? Every miniute, every sec? Everyone is just plain busy right? Why waste our time loving? Love is cheaper and less hurtful if you love on occasion right? And women who give and give will one day realize that its not worth it. Every woman would love a small gesture of love everyday, something special. Women need to make themselves feel worth, but being worth it and not settling for second best. And men need to realize that women have feelings too. And can be crushed if the loving is less than the very best.”

I am befuddled, but I think I’m right.

I put this question to the readers…what do you think?

The type up was as close to the convo as I can remember. She is one hell ova debater. The woman who will fight for love, provided her love will fight for it too. I know she’s not a believer in sacrifice. But as a woman, I think sacrifice is sorta inevitable in our instance na? Somewhere down the line all women make more sacrifices than men in love. We compromise more. I know, being a gender student this is theoretically the wrong thing to say, but still, being a member in society its true in many many most instances. So tell us what you think. MizBold, Radiance, Hayah…have your say too!

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